I Die A Little
by KlainesBowties
Summary: Darren misses Chris more than anything. They broke up and now that Chris has moved on Darren can't help but to still be in love with him.


_He takes your hand  
I die a little  
I watch your eyes  
And I'm in riddles  
Why can't you look at me like that?_

They lay there on the small couch in the corner staring into each other's eyes; sharing soft kisses, smiles and whispers with each other. Lea and Amber smiled to each other about how adorable the couple was, giggling and whispering that they were so perfect, so in love. Just like we used to be.

_When you walk by  
I try to say it  
But then I freeze  
And never do it  
My tongue gets tied  
The words get trapped  
I hear the beat of my heart getting louder  
Whenever I'm near you  
_  
He got up, causing his boyfriend to whine playfully. I heard him mutter that he'd be back in a second and that he loved him; he was just getting a diet coke. My heart started to beat faster as the blue-eyed man walked by me.  
"Hi, Dare." Chris said softly, waving at me with his fingers. I tried to say something, anything, but all that came out was a small gasp of air. He didn't think twice about it; he was too in love to notice me.

He'd never notice me again.

_But I see you with him slow dancing  
Tearing me apart  
Cause you don't see  
Whenever you kiss him  
I'm breaking,  
Oh how I wish that was me_

The fast paced music slowed to a soft, slow song. Adam got up and extended his hand to Chris, who gladly took it with a smile, that beautiful smile.

I used to be the only one to cause of that kind of smile.  
Their chests were pressed together, his arms around Chris' waist and Chris' around his boyfriend's neck. Chris leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, soon turning from soft and sweet to hot and passionate.  
I couldn't believe I had to sit here and watch this.

_He looks at you  
The way that I would  
Does all the things, I know that I could  
If only time, could just turn back_

He used to look at me like that. We used to dance together like that. He used to kiss me like that. Then we let each other go. It killed me that I couldn't hold him in my arms like that anymore; it was torture. If I could do anything I would go back to the day we broke up. I'd fight for him. I wouldn't let him walk away. I'd tell him how much I loved him. I'd let him know that he was everything to me. I'd cry, I'd scream, I'd beg, anything to keep him from leaving. Anything to keep him in my arms.

_'Cause I got three little words  
That I've always been dying to tell you_

Of course I still love him. I couldn't help but to love him. He was nothing but an angel. Everything he did was just perfect; the fact that I let him go is insane to think about, because I'm dying every day without him.

Without his smile, his soft touch, the way he had kissed me, the way he had hugged me and never let me go; the way he looked at me after we had just made love, his fingers gently brushing my curls out off of my forehead.

Altogether, I just missed the way he had loved me.

_But I see you with him slow dancing  
Tearing me apart  
Cause you don't see  
Whenever you kiss him  
I'm breaking,  
Oh how I wish that was me_

I saw Adam whisper something into Chris' ear, causing the gorgeous man's eyes to light up, widening as if the best thing in the world was about to happen. He giggled softly and nodded, pressing his soft lips to his blonde-haired boyfriend's.

I used to be the only person to make his eyes widen like that, make him giggle like that, turn his cheeks that shade of pink; I used to be the only person able to kiss him like that.

I watch Chris take Adam's hand, the two soon disappearing from the party, out the door and undoubtedly to one of their houses.

That used to be us; leaving the party early because we just couldn't wait. Exchanging smiles, giggles and soft kisses until we got home. Back when we had to have each other at that moment, each other's touch, each other's kiss, just to be close to each other. That was us.

_With my hands on your waist  
While we dance in the moonlight  
I wish it was me  
That you'll call later on  
Cause you wanna say good night_

Tears came to my eyes as I thought over all the things I'd lost with Chris. Lea saw the tears falling down my cheeks and automatically ran to my side, asking me what was wrong. I shook my head, unable to form words. Choked sobs threatened to come out but I pushed them back until I could run out the door and towards my car. I heard her voice behind me but I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't even _talk._ All I could do was run.

I slammed the door behind me, letting out a scream. I wasn't even crying. I was just taking deep, impossibly uneven breaths. I'd cried too many tears in the past three months. Three months. It only took Chris three months to get over me, to get over all we shared together. Three months later and I was still crying myself to sleep because he wasn't holding me. He wasn't there, I needed him with me and he was with someone else.

It killed me to know that he wasn't mine.

_'Cause I see you with him slow dancing  
Tearing me apart  
'Cause you don't see_

The thought of Chris being with someone else was too painful to deal with. The thought of Chris being with someone in the way that only he and I were together, in the way I refused to be with anyone else after him, it was too much me for me to deal with.

Once upon a time I thought Chris would be mine forever. He'd promised me enough times. He'd said it so often I believed him with all my heart. Now, all I can think of is those words.

_I'm always going to be yours, Baby. I love you more than anything. _

_But I see you with him slow dancing  
Tearing me apart  
Cause you don't see  
Whenever you kiss him  
I'm breaking,_

Every day without him was a day I wasn't sure if I could go through. Every time I saw him my heart broke. Every time I heard him sing my heart broke. Knowing he was happy with someone who wasn't me, that was the worst.

_Oh how I wish_

I wanted Chris to be happy, I really did. I wanted him to have everything he could ever possibly want. Did it make me selfish to want him to have it with me? Did it make me a horrible person to want him to be with me?

_Oh how I wish_

I wanted to be in Adam's shoes. Just one more time, to show Chris I could be everything he could ever want. To show him that what we had we could have again.

But that'd never happened.

Chris was with him.

Not me.

He didn't love me, he never would again.

_Oh how I wish, that was me_

_Oh how I wish, that was me._

* * *

_Song: I Wish by One Direction_


End file.
